krm223
01-19-2005, 09:55 PM
I don't see how all these could have been actual headlines, but
... they are funny.
Top Headlines of 2004
Crack Found on Governor's Daughter [imagine
that!]
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
[no, really?]
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
[now that's taking things a bit far]
Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
[not if I wipe thoroughly]
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
[what a guy!]
Miners Refuse to Work after Death
[those good-for-nothin' lazy so-and-sos!]
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
[see if that works any better than a fair trial]
War Dims Hope for Peace
[I can see where it might have that effect]
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly It May Last
Awhile
[ya think?]
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
[who'da thunk it?]
Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect
Homicide
[they may be on to something]
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
[you mean there's something stronger than duct
tape?]
Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge [he
probably IS the battery charge!]
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
[weren't they fat enough?]
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
[That what he gets for eating those beans!]
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
[Taste like chicken!]
Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy
[That was really giving of himself!]
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
[Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
[very tall podiatrists]
And the winner is...
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
[nuff said]
... they are funny.
Top Headlines of 2004
Crack Found on Governor's Daughter [imagine
that!]
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
[no, really?]
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
[now that's taking things a bit far]
Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
[not if I wipe thoroughly]
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
[what a guy!]
Miners Refuse to Work after Death
[those good-for-nothin' lazy so-and-sos!]
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
[see if that works any better than a fair trial]
War Dims Hope for Peace
[I can see where it might have that effect]
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly It May Last
Awhile
[ya think?]
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
[who'da thunk it?]
Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect
Homicide
[they may be on to something]
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
[you mean there's something stronger than duct
tape?]
Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge [he
probably IS the battery charge!]
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
[weren't they fat enough?]
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
[That what he gets for eating those beans!]
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
[Taste like chicken!]
Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy
[That was really giving of himself!]
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
[Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
[very tall podiatrists]
And the winner is...
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
[nuff said]